The very nature of living a soaring life and living a real human life means you will get knocked down. Our culture says to us, if you experience pain, you’ve done something wrong. And that could be true. You could have made a mistake. Maybe it’s a relationship mistake. Yet, if you are going to get in the game of life, you’re going to be knocked around a lot. And often failure is the price of success. And pain happens because you reached for your mountaintop. And as you take more risks and as
you get in the game more, and as you show more bravery, you will suffer more. If you look at the great history makers of humanity, the Mother Teresas, the Nelson Mandelas, the Martin Luther King Jrs., the Rosa Parks, these people suffered more than most people because they were such great dreamers.
If you live a small life watching television in a subdivision without taking any risks whatsoever, sure you’re never going to feel a lot of pain, but you’re not really going to ever live. It’s that old idea, a ship that stays in the safe harbor all day long never gets banged around very much. But that’s not what ships were made for.
Another thing I’ll share with you is I have faced a lot of pain in my life. I’ve been at the top of the mountain and I’ve been in the valleys of darkness. And I will share with you that I’ve grown the most through my difficult experiences. Sometimes people ask me in media interviews, “Do you have any regrets?” And I always say, “Absolutely not.”
Everything that’s happened to me was grist for the mill and fodder for my growth.
Everything that happened to me. The amazing experiences and the most tragic
experiences were a necessary part of my evolution as a human being and I would not trade them for anything. And so I wear my scars with joy and respect, these badges of honor of a human being who is flawed, trying to do his best. And I think you should as well. And if you’re going through a painful time right now, trust that everything is happening for the best and this too shall pass.
And here’s a really counterintuitive idea. Stay in the difficult experience as much as possible. Pain is purification, pain is purification. We burn off the dross that covers our gold in the difficult moments. It’s in the difficult times of our life that you are being asked to learn empathy and understanding and forgiveness. It is the trials that teach you how strong you are. It is the adversity and the troubles that make us great if we choose not to be a victim but say, “Hmm, I’m going through trouble. How can I use
this to develop forgiveness or understanding about that person who hurt me?” Or,
“I’m going through a difficult day or a difficult month or a difficult year, rather than complaining about it and becoming bitter, how can I use it to open my heart and to become stronger and to get to know my gifts and my talents?”
I was once on an airplane flying to Paris and I was next to an artist. And he told me, he said, “I pick relationship partners who break my heart.” And I said, “Why?” And he said, “Because when my heart is broken, I do my best work.” And it is when we are suffering that we actually can become more creative. Suffering teaches you to become more real. Suffering can teach you to become stronger. When I have gone through the most difficult experiences of my life, I’ve always turned to a book by the great Lebanese poet, Kahlil Gibran, and it’s called The Prophet. And there’s a particular chapter on pain that I read in those dark times of my life and I want to read it to you.
“And a woman spoke, saying, ‘Tell us of Pain.’ And he said: Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy. And you would accept the seasons of your
heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.”
I want to go off-script for a second. A great life is a series of seasons. You have your painful times, you have your happy times. You have your times where you are frustrated. You have your times where you’re full of energy and inspiration. That’s called human. There’s nothing wrong with those emotions of pain and guilt and sorrow. That’s a necessary part to living a colorful, real, beautiful, majestic life.
And then Kahlil Gibran continues, “And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.” I just have to read that again because it’s so beautiful. “And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief. Much of your pain is self
-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore, trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the unseen. And the cup he brings, though it burns your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the potter has moistened with his own sacred tears.” Honor your pain. Trust that what you’re going through is for your greatness. And stand strong in the winters of your sorrow so that when you get to the season of sunlight, you bring your greatness and your brilliance to a world in need of your gifts and talents.