Maybe in your personal life, if you are having … let’s say one of your children, or let’s say someone in your family is sort of rubbing you the wrong way, usually at the dinner table, or maybe it’s at a family gathering. You don’t say anything. Why don’t you say this? “Hey so-and-so, can I have a few minutes to chat with you?” And then you go off into a private place because you never want to do this in public.
You always want the other person to save face and you say, “Hey, you know what, here’s what I’ve been feeling.” That’s a great line. That’s a great verbal cue. “Here’s what I’ve been experiencing in our relationship. And I really care about the relationship and it’s making me feel angry and I’m feeling really disappointed.” This is really powerful. This shows someone who not only loves the relationship, on the other person, it’s showing someone who respects themselves.
And so you say, “Here’s what I’ve been experiencing. And it really hurts me and it disappoints me. And sometimes I feel really angry and I want the relationship to last, is there a way that we can find some solutions so I don’t feel like this and whatever. What do you think about it?” And that gives the other person the space to say, “Well, I had no idea.” Or, “Thank you for letting me know.” Or, “Well, I’m upset too. And here’s what I feel. And here’s what I’ve been experiencing. And I’m frustrated about this”. And then you can say, “Wow, I didn’t know that.” And it’s hard and it takes bravery. But if you practice it, you get stronger and you learn to be a better communicator. And this builds the relationship, not only with the person at work or the person in the restaurant or the person within your home or family, most importantly, it builds the relationship with yourself.