Every time you swallow something you know needed to say so that you’re clear, it builds up. It builds emotionally, it builds up psychically. And eventually, that pressure builds up and eventually it will come out in conflict. It happens at the office, there’s a teammate, and you don’t say something, like, “Here’s what bothers me,” or, “Here’s what I need to say,” or, “Here is my opinion.” Over time, the wound will fester and it will damage the relationship. And I’ve seen it so often in home relationships, in personal relationships. A little thing that could have been handled, “I didn’t like the way that you said that to me,” or, “I wanted to go to do this on the weekend, but you wanted to do that.” And I really didn’t feel heard. And rather than just saying it, because most of us don’t know how to say it, they don’t teach us how to communicate at world-class in school, we swallow it because human beings don’t like conflict because we’re tribal. And I don’t want to get into the neuroscience and the psychology of tribalism, but we’re tribal. That’s how we survived thousands of years ago. And so now we do have an instinct hardwired into us not to have conflict because we want to fit into the tribe to survive. But if you don’t speak your truth when you know need to share your opinion, well, you swallow the words, you swallow the emotions, and here’s what it does. It not only then damages the work relationship or the personal relationship, here’s the powerful insight. It damages your relationship with yourself. One of the best things you can learn how to do is learn how to honor yourself. Learn how to build self-worth. Learn how to build self-respect. Learn how to build self-love. And one of the best ways to do that is to speak your truth even when the fire is on. You can say whatever you need to say so long as you say it with respect.
